Booty Clap

Oh Oh Oh, What to do. The last two weeks have proven to be quite uneventful. The owners of the bar left for Hawaii on Monday. They have been speedily becoming crazier and crazier with the last phone call before they left to ensure that there hadn’t been a party in the kitchen the night before because there were dirty dishes. I reassured them that the dirty dishes were because of the new fear of paying anyone for more than exactly the amount of work they contributed, thus the pantry cook and dishwasher were sent home at 11 p.m. and there were still dishes in the dining room. Protocol has always been to leave these last few dishes for the prep on Monday, but in my boss’s new found paranoia he is sure that everyone is dancing on the prep tables, getting naked while drinking the kitchen wine and brandy, and throwing knives at one another as it could be nothing less than some sort of circus freak show.

With my restaurant plan on hold until my husband gets his shit together, I have had some time to think about what I really want. I really believe in my restaurant idea, but there is obviously some downturn in the economy and where I live has seen an overabundance of new buildings and in particularly new restaurants. In the last three months, six new restaurants opened within three blocks of where I work now and it is only a town of 70,000 people. Although our business has not really seen much of a change, there is definitely an overwhelming fear amongst the restaurant owners as to who is going to make it and how lean it will get before it gets better. There is a reassurance right now that I can leave, pick up, and go where the money is if that happens to be the case. Although, once again I believe the money will be where I am at because I work my ass off to keep that bar busy and thus far it has worked and I have no intention of not keeping busy. But once again, knowing that I could leave is somewhat reassuring. Especially from a serious commitment phobe who has a meltdown about every six months about being married and owning a home.

So I guess I will wait for my husband and see what goes out of business and then make a decision. Overall, I assume it is a good time because there will be a lot of open restaurant space in the next year. Furthermore, I have to get away from the people that I work for. They are slowly but surely becoming more and more crazy each day. Which in turn makes me become more and more crazy each day and more and more sensitive to the bizarre situation around me which will no doubt

The only real excitement of late is that one of our regulars, a Mexican business man (who drinks cuba libres and is always slightly on the prowl even though he has a wife and two children waiting for him at home) decided that he liked one of our guests enough to follow her into the bathroom, go into the stall next to her, and try to look up at her while she was peeing. Yeah, let’s just say that he’s not coming into the bar anymore. Fortunately, she had a good sense of humor about it because seriously, what is fucking more disgusting that trying to pee in a public bathroom, only to find that some jackass pervert is trying to get splattered.

Otherwise there hasn’t been any mayhem, even our constant source of enjoyment, our pantry cook, has been trying to get her shit together by applying for college and paying down her debt. After a recent excursion to the strip club, we thought that might be a perfect career for her. She always is broke, has an incredible body, a very energetic dance she calls the booty clap (where once on New Year's we swear we heard the slap of her ass cheeks as she worked it), and a kooky yet dynamic personality. She replied, “Don’t think that hasn’t crossed my mind. I was blessed with a lot of tits and ass, but I was also blessed with a brain to know enough not to bear it for money.” On that note, I’ll call it a night.

What’s new cocktail wise.

I decided to pour through some stuff that I am sitting on, like a white port. I am mixing it with lemon juice, St. Germain elderflower liqueur and it is absolutely delicious. I named it Puerto Blanco and the name however is not delicious and no one has bought it. It needs to be renamed. Next menu change.

The hot drink however is Yumm Cocktail, which is really just a cherry lemon drop made with Three Olives Cherry Vodka. I don’t put any sugar in it and instead put a homemade sugar candy that makes for a perch to put a ball of cotton candy. The presentation is incredible and everyone adores it. I want to do some cotton candy experimenting, but I am going to wait a month, I need to sell through the bagged cotton candy that I already bought. I’m excited about the cotton candy, as you can flavor it and I think it could really push the envelope on what I’m doing with cocktails. Furthermore, it screams fun and it really is beautiful.

Otherwise, all the drinks are doing well. I have trouble selling that elderflower liqueur, even though it is so delicious. No one knows what it is, but I have the sneaking suspicion that it will take over like pomegranate has in the next year or so. We just need Oprah to endorse it.

Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says,
"Hey, Dave, how ya doin?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual
Budweiser. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, "You must come
here a lot for that woman to know you drink Budweiser".

"No, honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with
them."

A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave.
"Hi Davey," she says, "Want your usual table dance?"

Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the
door, he jumps in beside her and she starts screaming at him.

The cabby turns his head and says,
"Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave!"