Thank God the holidays are over. Somehow with the combination of Christian spirit and holiday cheer makes most people anxious and difficult to be around. The added stress that comes from having to wait at the post office for 40 minutes just to buy a book of stamps (the machine is out), slippery streets, knowing that you are buying presents for people that you hate and in turn knowing that you will receive presents from people that you hate and in turn probably hate the presents that you received always creates a general feeling of apprehension and fretfulness. Take these people, many of whom only go out to celebrate during the holidays, in a busy bar and give them a little alcohol and yes you got it, by the end of the holidays you question your ability to ever really like anyone again.
Our holiday season at the restaurant leapt off to a swift start as our pantry cook took a dive off of a refrigerator a week before Christmas. No one is quite sure what she was doing up there, although we’ve noticed that in many aspects she is not as evolved as other humans and could quite possibly still have some monkey chromosomes left in her. Unfortunate to her, monkeys have a keen sense of balance and agility she seems to be lacking.
A few days after her daring attempt to break her neck, she got a fretful case of the flu and called out sick right before her shift. Leaving our two-man kitchen with only one man. Upon inspection, it appeared that there was no way in hell that he could make all of the food, so I left my bartending position to make salads and desserts. It is one of the most miserable nights I’ve had in the service industry, knowing that ticket times were three to four times longer than our average and that service was suffering because I was in the back of the house, making the front of the house short staffed. Amazingly, we didn’t have any unhappy guests. Once the situation was explained, everyone was very considerate. Nonetheless, the stress level was high and there was a fine line between the guests being o.k. and with all the tables just walking out in a general fit of justified frustration. Fortunately, the staff is made of sweet talkers who hypnotized them into thinking it was the greatest experience of their life. That is why each server is automatically given a pocket watch on a chain on her first night working.
Two nights later, the bald headed man who slipped on the floor (Aug. 30 blog) walked in with all of the TV newsgirls, the owner of a prominent restaurant in town, and a chef of another restaurant in town who’s birthday it was. The owner of my bar was in the restaurant and shouted hello to him. I wasn’t sure what the fuck was going on, was she friends with this asshole. I looked at her and said, you know - he’s not allowed in here. It turns out she had just met him at their other restaurant because he was such a pain in the ass she had to smooth things over with him.
She never knows what to do in these situations, she looked like a deer in the headlights. The server of that table looked at me like “what the fuck” and I told her that I would tell him he needed to leave. But in the presence of all of these people, we didn’t want to make a scene. Especially in front of the newsgirls, they are all very nice and come in the bar a lot. One of them dates our building manager and they are in the bar three times a week. We decided to tell him that he could stay with the birthday party as long as he was on his best behavior and didn’t cause any problems. Any creature including a hungry momma grizzly bear could have done better at controlling its behavior than this man. He immediately began to physically trip our food runner, make a scene about not getting a drink, and call his server names. At that, he had to leave. On his way out he flipped me off. I followed him out and asked him if he understood he was never to set foot on our property again. He started fluttering his hands in my face telling me that I was annoying him. I have never dealt with anyone as condescending, belittling, and disrespectful as this man. I asked, “Annoying you. I am annoying you? You are not even allowed onto this property. We give you the benefit of the doubt, on which you shit all over and now I am annoying you. If you don’t leave this property right now, I will call the police and have you physically removed from in front of my bar.”
He was with a very large blond woman who was obviously horrified by all of this. After he left, she came in and asked what that was all about. I explained that he had an incident at the bar and we decided that he was 86’d, but we had thought to let him in because it was a birthday party and he was with the birthday boy’s sister. This girl started freaking out because she didn’t trust that man and she didn’t want him near her sister-in-law, who was obviously dating him. I couldn’t agree with her more, since in the back of my head I figure that on the side he tricks young woman into his car, poisons them, and then cuts them up and sticks them in his freezer on days that he’s bored. She kept telling me how sorry she was for me. I told her to stop pitying me. I wouldn’t have to deal with him again, I replied, that’s the great thing about the bar - no matter how bad it is, no matter how awful a customer is, or a situation is, it will eventually end. And the shift will be over and it will be a completely new day the next day. She however, was dealing with family, which is never over. I told her to save her pity for her young beautiful sister-in-law who justifies dating a man who is older than her father and is mentally and physically abusive to everyone around him. If she lives through this relationship, she will need every ounce of pity she can garner to rebound against such a bad decision.
New Year’s eve came and went without any incidents. Just a very long work day, I was at the restaurant for over 15 hours in order to transform the space into a tiki bar. But my hard work paid off, we broke a record, everyone had fun, and we made lots of money. The owners of the bar were thrilled and thanked me about 30 times, which is great because typically I feel under-appreciated, like all good restaurant managers.
I should have known that the feeling couldn’t last more than 48 hours, but for some reason I always am hopeful, almost like a child. And just like most children's hope is killed by a stunning dose of reality, so was mine. Two days into the new year, the woman who owns the bar and I got into a dispute over nose piercings. Which are against the rules in the rule book, but three staff members have them and no one has ever said dick to them. But on this certain night, she came in, scolded our new food runner for having a piercing (she has already been working with us for over a month) and told her to go straight to the office for a talk. I was appalled, since she also had just called down to the restaurant and told one of the servers that she was an idiot. I love my staff, they work very hard for me and are very loyal. They are smart, witty, good salespeople, and extraordinarily hard working. I didn’t feel like the owner should be shitting on them for no reason than to improve her ego. So we had an argument. Which is still up in the air. I apologized that night; I didn’t figure it was worth having a fit about. She however, is still not speaking to me.
So on that note, Happy New Year’s!
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What’s New Cocktail Wise:
Sub Rosa just released some new vodkas onto the market that are unlike anything else right now. The vodkas come out of Dundee, Oregon and are only available on the West Coast right now. But if you see them, pick them up and mess around with them. They are bold and fun.
Oxymoron
Sub Rosa tarragon vodka, ginger syrup, lemon juice, and simple syrup
Oblivion
Sub Rosa saffron vodka, ginger syrup, orange bitters, fresh squeezed orange, and lime juice
Garnished with pepper threads (they look like saffron)
Berry Bliss
A four berry lemon drop made with Three Olives berry vodka, blackberry puree, lemon juice, and simple syrup
Topped with a blackberry, blueberry, cinnamon foam
This drink is killing it
Orchid Lychee Mimosa
Orchid Lychee Liqueur, Hou Hou Shu Sparkling sake, served with a lychee fruit
Easy to make and very yummy. I think it will do better in the spring and summer, although it is doing o.k. now.
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An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He says to the waiter, "Me want coffee".
The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up". He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee, and the Indian drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Me want coffee". The waiter says "Whoa, Tonto. We're still cleaning up your mess from the last time you were here. What the heck was that all about, anyway?"
The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Me in training to buy restaurant. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the shit, and disappear for the rest of the day."
