Who likes it up the ass?

About three months ago, a blond guy in his early thirties came into the bar with a friend. In a fit of extreme anxiety he blurted out, “Do you use fresh herbs?” Since I wasn’t quite sure if he was trying to get the name of a reputable drug dealer or a mojito, I asked him to repeat himself. He replied, “You know, fresh herbs.” And I asked what for ? And he said, “You know for your drinks.” You would think that the six mojitos with delicate mint leaves floating in them right next to him and a full glass of luscious picked mint would be enough to answer his dense question, so I replied, “No, we use plastic herbs with a special time-release crystal that makes your drink extra fresh and minty!” The guy replied, “Well you’re a sarcastic one aren’t you. Actually you are just obnoxious.” And I told him that he was right and there was a bar just right across the street for arrogant ignorant equally obnoxious bar customers where kind loving tolerant bartenders would be nice to him regardless. And with that, the guy became a regular.

Jim does contract work at the hospital and comes in to town about every two weeks. The third time he came in, he was with a fellow contractor and ended up sitting next to two blatantly gay men who were opening a high-end fashion boutique in town. Jim just happened to go to the restroom in between the two guys giggling and taunting one another, when the lispier of the two gay men asked me if Jim batted for their team. I have moderate to good gaydar, but certainly not as good as someone who actually takes a chance shoving his dick up a straight man’s ass. Since I hadn’t put that much thought into it, I told him that I didn’t know.

A few weeks later, Jim reappeared with three well-dressed men who were all joking about where they get their hair done, who has hotter abs, and what they like to feed their cats. I couldn’t believe that I had missed it, obviously Jim was gay. There was no doubt and to confirm my new found suspicion he stayed late with one of the men drinking until the bitter end at which point they made plans on meeting at Jim’s hotel room. The next three times Jim was in, he was hanging out with this guy.

Only a few weeks later, Jim came in with some of his workmates. One of them started chatting about his dog which led me to gush about my dog, the direct result of childless people in their 30’s owning a pet. Jim’s friend claimed he was the same about his dog, allowing the mutt to rule his life until he had children and learned to put the dog in its place. Curious as to how having children had affected his marriage, I changed the subject from the dog. Which of course led to him gibbering about how darling his two babies were. Out of the blue, Jim piped in how absolutely adorable his son is. “You have a son?” thinking that this is a remnant of the days before Jim took strangers home from the bar to blow him. “Yeah, he’s four months and in reply to your question it has brought my wife and me closer together too.”

Yeah.

If any young beautiful women would like to marry Yakov, he is having a wedding on August 8, 2008 for himself. He doesn’t have a bride yet but is excited for the wedding.

There were these two friends, one who was gay, who died in a horrible car accident. They both went to heaven and were standing at the pearly gates when St. Peter met them.

St. Peter asked the first man for a picture of his wife. After looking at the picture, St. Peter asked him if he had ever cheated on her.

The man replied, "I was unfaithful to my wife one time."

St. Peter decided to give the man a station wagon for him to drive around heaven.

Now it was the second man's turn.

St. Peter asked him for a picture of his wife and then asked if he had ever cheated on her.

The man replied, "Actually I'm gay, but here's a picture of my lover, and I never cheated on him."

St. Peter was very impressed and decided to give the man a Ferrari to drive around heaven.

After a few months in heaven, the two friends met up with each other. The second man was bragging about his Ferrari when the other turned to him and said, "I wouldn't be bragging if I were you. I just saw your lover on a skateboard."